Do What You Must

He came to see me because his life seemed to be too much for him. His mother wanted him to be practical, his father wanted him to do what he had done, his brother laughed at him because he was too smart for his own good, his sister mocked him because he was as pretty as she. What do I do, how do I deal with all the voices that just do not come together into any sense at all, he asked.

 

I said, wait and think it through, feel it through. What are you passionate about? What do you really love? hate? What are you just middling warm or cold about? I had a student once whose parents demanded that he major in accounting. He hated accounting. He despised the classes he had to take. He was so bad at it that at age 19 already he had ulcers and hypertension and just nerves shot to shit. But his parents insisted, and he persevered, barely passing classes, failing the CPA exam, then finally becoming a performance artist and living happily ever after—as far as I know, anyway.

 

The moral is simple but hard to keep in mind. This too will pass. This does not define you or your future or your life. If like that student you feel obliged to pay attention to what others tell you to do, do it if you must but know that in the end you must do whatever you are comfortable with. Nothing more, but also nothing less.

 

But how do I reconcile the different voices, he asked. How do I satisfy such contrary opinions?

 

You don’t, I responded. The only important voice in all this is your own. Look in your heart and act from what you feel. Will your parents be disappointed? Maybe, maybe not. As for your siblings, tell bro and sis to go to hell. It’s your life, not theirs.

 

The boy nodded as I spoke then turned and left my office. He graduated. He left town. Three years later, I saw him walking hand in hand with his boyfriend. They looked happy.